Rule of Marriage #3

When your wife wants to sleep closely to you, you cannot refrain from doing so. Men are an object of the bed--much like a pillow--we are a sleeping apparatus.

If she desires to use your arm as a pillow, so be it. You must permit your arm to be used even if all blood circulation stops, the arm turns blue, and you lose all feeling and sensation from your shoulder to your fingers.

Secondly, all "close sleeping" or "spooning" must be referred to as "snuggling " or "snugglebug." To snuggle or snugglebug is herein defined as being held captive in your own bed.

Escape is nearly impossible--even the sly rollover maneuver will be quickly countered with a Chuck Norris-like deathgrip that will jerk you back to said "snuggle" position. Slipping away quietly or adjusting your wife's body is like approaching a field of landmines on a pogo stick. You will not go undetected. Any slight movement will be caught and returned immediately to "snuggle prison."

If you have any objections, please refer to Rule of Marriage #1.